I'm a TOTAL mess today.
More than usual, anyway.
Wednesday, November 1, 2017
happy death day bitches
2:57 AM and I have a 5 page essay due tomorrow. Not one word written yet.
And I just had my first shot. College right?
20 years old and only just now having my first shot. I just never figured the point of drinking down something that obviously tastes like shit and you don't enjoy.
I came out of the shower and I'm just now starting to feel it. It's starting to come down on me.
Usually, I'm good at making decisions. Maybe not decisions in regarding to fashion or whatever because then I'm terrible indecisive, but I'm good at distinguishing right from wrong. I always was. But tonight I chose to do what I wasn't supposed to because I need to start living. I always avoid making mistakes but mistakes are inevitable.
It's Halloween 2017 and I don't regret a thing, even if it means losing a thing.
Remember how I last said I was binge watching the Saw movies with my boyfriend? Literally all of October consisted of SAW movies and just horror movies overall.
Tonight we went to see the new Jigsaw movie that released for this Halloween. It's been years since they even made a SAW "Jigsaw" movie. I feel honoured because while watching the movies, I was hoping they'd magically release more- and I got what I wished for.
And it was exactly what I hoped for.
They kept the attraction of the movies by leaving the classics, just like the door slamming at the end of the movie. All I'm saying. Go check it out yourself.
That was another bad decision of either choosing to bang out my essay or go to the movies with my friends at 10:30 PM.
But like I said, no regrets.
I was going to take some Polaroid pictures but my purple/burgundy lipstick wore off from me making out with my boyfriend in the theater and I refused to reapply it since the night was already over.
More often than not, I reapply lipsticks but today I've been overly exhausted since the moment I woke up, even though Corey woke me up at noon for my 1 PM Math class.
Halloween 2017 was a success and I fucking love the dark spirit and magic of Halloween.
Favourite season ever.
Yesterday was the longest day consisting of going to my 9 AM class, finishing the morning off by watching Dear Dracula, napping with my boyfriend, waking up and choosing to continue napping and skipping our classes (more bad decisions), running to Walmart quickly to get some fake fangs to finish off my vampire look, heading back to school for the Acting Society since I'm the vice pres, and ending the night by doing my Psychology essay.
Not only was the Halloween spirit existence yesterday, but all of the weekend before. I went to Corey's step-sister's Halloween dance at her school, had a Halloween party at Corey's dorm, and my school also had a Halloween glow in the dark pool party. That was a blast.
Last but not least, I finally introduced Corey to Blue Mountain State last night, and as anticipated, he loved it.
But whatever, have to go bullshit this essay now.
L8r.
And I just had my first shot. College right?
20 years old and only just now having my first shot. I just never figured the point of drinking down something that obviously tastes like shit and you don't enjoy.
I came out of the shower and I'm just now starting to feel it. It's starting to come down on me.
Usually, I'm good at making decisions. Maybe not decisions in regarding to fashion or whatever because then I'm terrible indecisive, but I'm good at distinguishing right from wrong. I always was. But tonight I chose to do what I wasn't supposed to because I need to start living. I always avoid making mistakes but mistakes are inevitable.
It's Halloween 2017 and I don't regret a thing, even if it means losing a thing.
Remember how I last said I was binge watching the Saw movies with my boyfriend? Literally all of October consisted of SAW movies and just horror movies overall.
Tonight we went to see the new Jigsaw movie that released for this Halloween. It's been years since they even made a SAW "Jigsaw" movie. I feel honoured because while watching the movies, I was hoping they'd magically release more- and I got what I wished for.
And it was exactly what I hoped for.
They kept the attraction of the movies by leaving the classics, just like the door slamming at the end of the movie. All I'm saying. Go check it out yourself.
That was another bad decision of either choosing to bang out my essay or go to the movies with my friends at 10:30 PM.
But like I said, no regrets.
I was going to take some Polaroid pictures but my purple/burgundy lipstick wore off from me making out with my boyfriend in the theater and I refused to reapply it since the night was already over.
More often than not, I reapply lipsticks but today I've been overly exhausted since the moment I woke up, even though Corey woke me up at noon for my 1 PM Math class.
Halloween 2017 was a success and I fucking love the dark spirit and magic of Halloween.
Favourite season ever.
Yesterday was the longest day consisting of going to my 9 AM class, finishing the morning off by watching Dear Dracula, napping with my boyfriend, waking up and choosing to continue napping and skipping our classes (more bad decisions), running to Walmart quickly to get some fake fangs to finish off my vampire look, heading back to school for the Acting Society since I'm the vice pres, and ending the night by doing my Psychology essay.
Not only was the Halloween spirit existence yesterday, but all of the weekend before. I went to Corey's step-sister's Halloween dance at her school, had a Halloween party at Corey's dorm, and my school also had a Halloween glow in the dark pool party. That was a blast.
Last but not least, I finally introduced Corey to Blue Mountain State last night, and as anticipated, he loved it.
But whatever, have to go bullshit this essay now.
L8r.
Friday, October 20, 2017
You know what's totally funny?
I've been meaning to show you guys my boyfriend for months since I began dating him and I've already been with him for six months.
What's even funnier is that he thinks I was going to roast him on here. I already do that everyday in person, no need to post about that right now.
As if you guys care.
It just turned 11:02 AM and it's a Friday morning. We're already in the 20th of October and I'm not quite sure where time went.
The entirety of October has been spent watching horror movies and marathons on SAW movies with Corey every night.
I lost my train of thought so bye bitches.
I've been meaning to show you guys my boyfriend for months since I began dating him and I've already been with him for six months.
What's even funnier is that he thinks I was going to roast him on here. I already do that everyday in person, no need to post about that right now.
As if you guys care.
It just turned 11:02 AM and it's a Friday morning. We're already in the 20th of October and I'm not quite sure where time went.
The entirety of October has been spent watching horror movies and marathons on SAW movies with Corey every night.
I lost my train of thought so bye bitches.
THIS IS... The Story of a Girl
Writing this in my boyfriend's dorm on his computer right now. Who would've known Corey would end up getting a dorm and I'd spend the night in it.
Last semester he always stayed over at my dorm because he did not have a dorm and wanted to spend the night with me. And frankly, it is totally weird to say last semester when it's only been a few months before the summer.
Here's the spoken of loser:
Here's the spoken of loser:
Anywho, I've been thinking even more than usual recently and that's insane because I already think enough as is.
Tons of self reflecting, or as they call it in psychology: introspection. (yeah, I'm taking a psychology online course and I'm showing off what I've learned- so what?)
Embarrassing to say it took this long to fully realize I have not been appreciating Corey enough for all of his efforts and love he has shown me. He has gone above and beyond just for my happiness just because he loves and cares for me. There is nothing greater in life than to be blessed and have people in your life who care for you and treat you well. I haven't deserved any of his efforts but still, the sweetheart boyfriend that he is, continues to do so with all of the kindness in his heart.
It's weird how you can meet someone and suddenly that stranger turns into someone you never want to lose.
APPRECIATE ALL YOU HAVE IN THE MOMENT BEFORE IT GOES AWAY.
Enough with the sappiness and onward to my next idea.
I'm creating a fashion blog that showcases my outfits and how moods affects what I'm wearing in a day. Fashion has always been more than just beauty to me. It is self expression and a way to represent your individual personality. Everyone has a different sense of style because of differences in personalities and interest and I can't help but be infatuated with showing those differences to the world off.
Sunday, June 11, 2017
Update on my day Upstate
Adrianna and I returned from watching Wonder Woman about two hours ago now (which btw totally bad ass movie.) If you have not seen Wonder Woman, you need to go buy a ticket like, now. I loved the empowering message of supporting strong and powerful women and it even is emphasized knowing the director of the movie is a woman herself. Such a great film made by a woman with a woman lead role? Um, yes please.
Anywho, it's 2:42AM and I am well on my way to fall asleep.
My boyfriend, Corey, is going to pick me up early for a long day tomorrow. We have not seen each other since I left college about a month ago.
I know, you guys are not updated at all on me having a new boyf or a new college but it'll have to wait for another day wouldn't it?
Long day tomorrow to catch but I promise, you'll hear it all from me soon.
Anywho, it's 2:42AM and I am well on my way to fall asleep.
My boyfriend, Corey, is going to pick me up early for a long day tomorrow. We have not seen each other since I left college about a month ago.
I know, you guys are not updated at all on me having a new boyf or a new college but it'll have to wait for another day wouldn't it?
Long day tomorrow to catch but I promise, you'll hear it all from me soon.
In the moment
It's June 11, 2017 and I'm laying in Adrianna's bed listening to The Maine thinking about how funny life is and how fast it goes by.
Can you believe I'm now the big 20?
My hair is no longer blonde, it's basically black. Well, people would kill me for saying that. It's dark brown but whatever you get the point- it's dark.
One year ago I never would've seen myself staying in Binghamton, NY. I remember in senior year I wanted to visit Binghamton because of the university. I always loved the idea of a suburbia and it's pretty perfect to stay here for a week at Adrianna's house because it makes my summer different from my other summers. I love her loads. She totally has no idea I'm writing about her right now.
Right now we are heading to the movies because she seems pretty stoked to show me the red leather reclining seats at the theater even though the theater by my high school has it. Such a cutie. She paid for my ticket and everything so I guess it's a date!
Time to put on my black vans.
Update you afterwards,
Later babes xo
Can you believe I'm now the big 20?
My hair is no longer blonde, it's basically black. Well, people would kill me for saying that. It's dark brown but whatever you get the point- it's dark.
One year ago I never would've seen myself staying in Binghamton, NY. I remember in senior year I wanted to visit Binghamton because of the university. I always loved the idea of a suburbia and it's pretty perfect to stay here for a week at Adrianna's house because it makes my summer different from my other summers. I love her loads. She totally has no idea I'm writing about her right now.
Right now we are heading to the movies because she seems pretty stoked to show me the red leather reclining seats at the theater even though the theater by my high school has it. Such a cutie. She paid for my ticket and everything so I guess it's a date!
Time to put on my black vans.
Update you afterwards,
Later babes xo
Monday, October 10, 2016
Anxietyridden
I do it to myself in all honesty.
I have already known that but it's like an unbreakable pattern, a never-ending cycle.
Yeah, yeah. How emo of me to say. But what else can you expect from me?
I don't work or go to school; I'm a full time loser. I blast emotional, sad, angsty music 24/7 and complain about my feelings. It's just what I do.
It seems as if I cannot live without an agenda or writing things down because I have a serious tendency of seriously forgetting things quickly.
I've been taking up my free time to do things I've always wanted to do such as model, do film acting, and record actual videos that would actually entertain people. Things I've always done amateurishly and am trying to take more seriously now that I'm 19.
Although I've come to the conclusion when I take things too serious I would up not wanting to do it.
I do not know why so many people take life so serious and try to make me seem like a baby or total loser (which I already fully and wholeheartedly know I am btw).
There is no bigger oxymoron on this planet than my very own existence. In every way possible.
How is it that I love to write my feelings down here but also like to keep certain things a mystery?
This is supposed to be my own personal space--duh????
Maybe later.
Right now I have to finally say goodnight to the moon and rest my tired eyes. I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow. I'm waking up in a few hours to watch the sun rise. Wish me luck.
xx
I have already known that but it's like an unbreakable pattern, a never-ending cycle.
Yeah, yeah. How emo of me to say. But what else can you expect from me?
I don't work or go to school; I'm a full time loser. I blast emotional, sad, angsty music 24/7 and complain about my feelings. It's just what I do.
It seems as if I cannot live without an agenda or writing things down because I have a serious tendency of seriously forgetting things quickly.
I've been taking up my free time to do things I've always wanted to do such as model, do film acting, and record actual videos that would actually entertain people. Things I've always done amateurishly and am trying to take more seriously now that I'm 19.
Although I've come to the conclusion when I take things too serious I would up not wanting to do it.
I do not know why so many people take life so serious and try to make me seem like a baby or total loser (which I already fully and wholeheartedly know I am btw).
There is no bigger oxymoron on this planet than my very own existence. In every way possible.
How is it that I love to write my feelings down here but also like to keep certain things a mystery?
This is supposed to be my own personal space--duh????
Maybe later.
Right now I have to finally say goodnight to the moon and rest my tired eyes. I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow. I'm waking up in a few hours to watch the sun rise. Wish me luck.
xx
Thursday, October 6, 2016
Procrastionation habits
so, here I am.
It's Monday morning... well now it just hit exactly 12pm. I grew to love Mondays last year when weekends were hell and Monday was like a start of a new week. A new beginning.
Right now I'm just sitting in bed blasting Morning Parade and making my daily dose cup of coffee. My favourite feeling ever varies from feeling at ease and serenity to feeling alive and fired up..
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Well I suck.
Anyway, since I'm about to shower to begin my day today and probably won't return till later, I might as well share a piece of writing from the summer. Today is October 3rd and it feels as though I fell asleep and just woke up and it was already Autumn. Now I know why Green Day wrote Wake Me Up When September Ends. July and August flew by but it was worth it.
I wrote this while I was at camp and Kelsey and I were being artsy fucks in the corner drinking coffee.
It's Monday morning... well now it just hit exactly 12pm. I grew to love Mondays last year when weekends were hell and Monday was like a start of a new week. A new beginning.
Right now I'm just sitting in bed blasting Morning Parade and making my daily dose cup of coffee. My favourite feeling ever varies from feeling at ease and serenity to feeling alive and fired up..
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Anyway, since I'm about to shower to begin my day today and probably won't return till later, I might as well share a piece of writing from the summer. Today is October 3rd and it feels as though I fell asleep and just woke up and it was already Autumn. Now I know why Green Day wrote Wake Me Up When September Ends. July and August flew by but it was worth it.
I wrote this while I was at camp and Kelsey and I were being artsy fucks in the corner drinking coffee.
Okay I'm officially trash.
It's the 6th and even after admitting I've been procrastinating, I kept at it.
In my defense, I've been OCCUPIED. And who is to say I have a set schedule on when I want to fucking write my feelings or thoughts?
Anyway, since I have to leave in a few minutes AGAIN to rehearse and have a table talk for an upcoming short film I have the lead role in, I am just going to do what I've been putting off to do-
share the freewriting I did with Kels at camp.
Title is influenced by what I wrote and Kelsey jokingly telling me it's perfect for my Instagram bio. I took her advice.
So here it is.
Mysterious try hard
Writing is so lit. Oh sugar? I keep getting distracted. I've probably said the word "lit" over 100 times in the past two days I've been at camp, I know these people are getting annoyed. I sound like one of those old people that are trying to be cool and hip and stay relevant but why do I keep thinking this when I still am a god damn adolescent. Speaking of adolescents, it smells like teen spirit here. Lots of sweat and hormones... oh god, shut up. Must I sound this stereotypical all the time? I mean I know I'm a few months away from turning 20 since time doesn't seem to let me catch up and continues to fly, but I remember always rolling my eyes at people I once thought were old and complained about teens. Stray away from becoming one of them Genesee. or Rose. Whatever you are you mysterious try hard.
I bet Kelsey and I look so lame in the corner just writing. Other people are probably thinking if we really came to camp just to write all by ourselves. With my little faux leather jacket too and dark looking book like an ultimate emo. Oh and the ripped jeans. If only I had gotten coffee instead of birthday cake milkshake so I could really win at being a loser. Ironic huh? So hipster of me.
Kelsey probably thinks I'm writing something meaningful while I'm just writing nonsense. It'll take me a while to get back to writing something intimate.
Sunday, September 25, 2016
Your favourite rebel is back
September 24, 2016 on a Sunday night at approximately 10pm. The last time I wrote on this blog was in late 2015 and I wish I was exaggerating when I say it feels like yesterday.
I thank my 18 year old self for overcoming my laziness and even starting this blog, even if I did stop for a while. I managed to begin blogging when my life was making a turn and dragging me with it-ready or not.
As of right now, I have been binge watching Blue Mountain State and it excites me for college. Although when I was blogging, I was about to begin college, my mindset was not really on college. I absolutely did not want to go and I hated the thought of college. Now I love it! It's exactly what I always wanted and it's a bit more freedom but not so much to the point where you have to think about bills of living on your own and even more adult problems. I knew once 2016 was about to hit that it would be a step forward into the life I'm living. I have become more self aware and learning how to face my fears. My mindset is a bit different than it used to be when I was clouded with negativity and self doubt. I realized a load of things I cannot even bother counting. And to be completely honest? I could write on it forever. But I'm not. Not tonight anyway.
Priorities still need to be straightened, huh?
No. I know what I should be doing and I shall. Just fuck it. Life is about pleasure and being happy. And right now? I just freshly applied a mask on to make an appearance back on the site & then resume watching Blue Mountain State.
I have a tendency of becoming addicted to anything I like. Coffee, TV shows, contact lenses (yes I still wear those and yes I still get pink eye from wearing expired lenses), boy bands, shopping, Tumblr, procrastinating, rebelling, drinking (yes I also began drinking. Surprising? Not so much.)
I have far too much to say to begin right now. I want to attempt sleeping early so I can wake at 5 and go for a morning walk/jog. Usually I now wake at 9-10am but I have been wanting to see the sunrise. I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset. ;)
& no I did not start waking early because I'm "maturing" or "adulting" now that I'm 19 and have to gain more responsibility. I lose any responsibility I had this year. My life is at that stage where anyone would call being worthless or wasting life away but I call it figuring myself out at a steady pace. I also don't get why waking up early is seen as productive and something to praise anyway. Wake up whenever the fuck you want to especially if your job is later. Who created these unwritten rules on how to live? Each life is different and it will be lived differently but whatever, some people are just followers and weird. No one can determine my worth by me not conforming to whatever the fuck society sees fit. Anyway, I wake early because it makes me feel happier inside. I love the sun shining through my windows and I love having longer days because as we all know, I am terrible with timing. Time flies for me and I don't take it lightly.Why not make the day longer?
I've written much more than I anticipated which isn't bad but certainly is taking the time away from Netflix time. All summer long I have been on Netflix. Skins, That 70's Show, Shameless, and now Blue Mountain State. Can't say I'm sorry.
Weird how as I was writing, Maroon 5 crossed my mind so I began to play it. When I made this blog, I was listening to them way too much. Always loved them.
But now She Will Be Loved is playing and I'm starting to think me making this blog and coming back isn't just out of coincidence. Initially I created this blog because all throughout senior year I was suffering what they call, "writers block" and it sucked. Writing was my hobby and I for some reason could not manage to write a word. I finally listened and decided to make a blog as a way of keeping the river flowing. I don't want to stop writing, ever. It is a part of me and I love it for the same reason I love taking pictures and videos- I get to look back at how I once was, and in this case, how I once thought.
Who knows? Maybe one day people will read this shit and be entertained by it because God knows I live to entertain. Entertaining others is my way of entertaining myself.
What a loser I am, I know.
Bye. xx
I thank my 18 year old self for overcoming my laziness and even starting this blog, even if I did stop for a while. I managed to begin blogging when my life was making a turn and dragging me with it-ready or not.
As of right now, I have been binge watching Blue Mountain State and it excites me for college. Although when I was blogging, I was about to begin college, my mindset was not really on college. I absolutely did not want to go and I hated the thought of college. Now I love it! It's exactly what I always wanted and it's a bit more freedom but not so much to the point where you have to think about bills of living on your own and even more adult problems. I knew once 2016 was about to hit that it would be a step forward into the life I'm living. I have become more self aware and learning how to face my fears. My mindset is a bit different than it used to be when I was clouded with negativity and self doubt. I realized a load of things I cannot even bother counting. And to be completely honest? I could write on it forever. But I'm not. Not tonight anyway.
Priorities still need to be straightened, huh?
No. I know what I should be doing and I shall. Just fuck it. Life is about pleasure and being happy. And right now? I just freshly applied a mask on to make an appearance back on the site & then resume watching Blue Mountain State.
I have a tendency of becoming addicted to anything I like. Coffee, TV shows, contact lenses (yes I still wear those and yes I still get pink eye from wearing expired lenses), boy bands, shopping, Tumblr, procrastinating, rebelling, drinking (yes I also began drinking. Surprising? Not so much.)
I have far too much to say to begin right now. I want to attempt sleeping early so I can wake at 5 and go for a morning walk/jog. Usually I now wake at 9-10am but I have been wanting to see the sunrise. I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset. ;)
& no I did not start waking early because I'm "maturing" or "adulting" now that I'm 19 and have to gain more responsibility. I lose any responsibility I had this year. My life is at that stage where anyone would call being worthless or wasting life away but I call it figuring myself out at a steady pace. I also don't get why waking up early is seen as productive and something to praise anyway. Wake up whenever the fuck you want to especially if your job is later. Who created these unwritten rules on how to live? Each life is different and it will be lived differently but whatever, some people are just followers and weird. No one can determine my worth by me not conforming to whatever the fuck society sees fit. Anyway, I wake early because it makes me feel happier inside. I love the sun shining through my windows and I love having longer days because as we all know, I am terrible with timing. Time flies for me and I don't take it lightly.Why not make the day longer?
I've written much more than I anticipated which isn't bad but certainly is taking the time away from Netflix time. All summer long I have been on Netflix. Skins, That 70's Show, Shameless, and now Blue Mountain State. Can't say I'm sorry.
Weird how as I was writing, Maroon 5 crossed my mind so I began to play it. When I made this blog, I was listening to them way too much. Always loved them.
But now She Will Be Loved is playing and I'm starting to think me making this blog and coming back isn't just out of coincidence. Initially I created this blog because all throughout senior year I was suffering what they call, "writers block" and it sucked. Writing was my hobby and I for some reason could not manage to write a word. I finally listened and decided to make a blog as a way of keeping the river flowing. I don't want to stop writing, ever. It is a part of me and I love it for the same reason I love taking pictures and videos- I get to look back at how I once was, and in this case, how I once thought.
Who knows? Maybe one day people will read this shit and be entertained by it because God knows I live to entertain. Entertaining others is my way of entertaining myself.
What a loser I am, I know.
Bye. xx
Thursday, August 13, 2015
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)