Anxietyridden

I do it to myself in all honesty.
I have already known that but it's like an unbreakable pattern, a never-ending cycle.
Yeah, yeah. How emo of me to say. But what else can you expect from me?
I don't work or go to school; I'm a full time loser. I blast emotional, sad, angsty music 24/7 and complain about my feelings. It's just what I do.

It seems as if I cannot live without an agenda or writing things down because I have a serious tendency of seriously forgetting things quickly.
I've been taking up my free time to do things I've always wanted to do such as model, do film acting, and record actual videos that would actually entertain people. Things I've always done amateurishly and am trying to take more seriously now that I'm 19.
Although I've come to the conclusion when I take things too serious I would up not wanting to do it.
I do not know why so many people take life so serious and try to make me seem like a baby or total loser (which I already fully and wholeheartedly know I am btw).

There is no bigger oxymoron on this planet than my very own existence. In every way possible.
How is it that I love to write my feelings down here but also like to keep certain things a mystery?
This is supposed to be my own personal space--duh????

Maybe later.
Right now I have to finally say goodnight to the moon and rest my tired eyes. I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow. I'm waking up in a few hours to watch the sun rise. Wish me luck.

xx